On the Western Mass. Lesbian Bar Controversy
I said I was going monogamous with a man, but we agreed that he wouldn’t get his vagina surgically turned into a penis because I wasn’t going to break my vow of never sucking dick. As for monogamy, both me and my partner don’t want any mid- to long-term partners aside from each other, but we still have a hang for orgies, so we reshuffle the pseudo-polycule for our orgies every other week. This way, we stay monogamous except where monogamy is annoying (in bed). To do that, we’ve both become regular customers at Last Ditch, one of the few lesbian bars in Greenfield. Of course, I live in Greenfield, Massachusetts! Where else would a hypersexual lesbian live in the red, white, and blue eagle nation?
Activities at Last Ditch include regular old drinking for easing you into the Greenfield lesbian scene, but the highlights take place in a secret basement for Satanic rituals and mock blood sacrifices that only the realest of Last Ditchters are allowed to partake in. There are initiation rituals before being allowed into the sorority like Hell Week, inspired by the cult classic Scream Queens sorority Kappa Kappa Tau’s initiation rites. Nobody dies, though, but sometimes the elected Satan finds it necessary that you get urinated in and defecated on which might be off-putting for some.
Two days ago, The Boston Globe broke the story of the literal shitstorm harrowing Last Ditch and its gender-expansive lesbian owners. Last Ditch was in a bad financial situation and the clientele they fostered was too broke to bring in the cash so they figured relaxing their masking requirement might bring in more people. They were not prepared for what Soe Noire and Serene_Necrosis would do with this announcement. From accusations of eugenics to threats of firebombing the place, the two weren’t fucking around.
Reading all that, they made me, Pussista in her full glory, seem not woke enough. But nobody’s beating me at my own game! Just like Serene_Necrosis, I wear the hijab as an accessory because I’m aesthetically Muslim. Just like her, I’m culturally Irish as a Black woman which means I have something in common with Soe Noire, who has been throwing accusations of racism like a sport, as well. Last Ditch’s problem isn’t not being woke enough, but being woke enough to attract a crowd like Soe Noire and Serene_Necrosis who would bash their skulls at the smallest error. I should’ve urinated and defecated in their holes when I had the chance during Hell Week!
As you may know, I’m vegan and I don’t do fur. According to Serene_Necrosis, as a culturally Irish woman I’m committing colonial violence against Irish Diasporic culture for partaking in the theft of core cultural pillars of Irishness which are meat and dairy consumption. Well, you know what? I’ll be sipping my oat milk and munching on a tofu sandwich the next time I make you gargle on my squirt, you dumb cunt!
Ugh, I’ll be spreading positivity today, though. Triple Blessings!